Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
