Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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