He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
