ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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