i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
