I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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