just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
