I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize