so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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