she smelled like a LAN party
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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