1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
