just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
