I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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