I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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