she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
