im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
