Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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