All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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