Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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