i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
