Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
