batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
