from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize