you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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