im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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