the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
