I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
