even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
