Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
