Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
