More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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