dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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