My Higher Power is John Stamos
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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