it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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