everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
