Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
