So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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