Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
