I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm always down for nudity.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
