we have pet lesbian snakes
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
