It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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