Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
