He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
