Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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