I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
