i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize