He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ttyl tear gas
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
