naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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