i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
