walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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