all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
