hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
