It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
