i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
