I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize