So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
