i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize