Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize