so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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