youre lurking in front of me
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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