I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
