dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
