no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
