garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
