Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
